For Him
by JoplinHadleigh
Summary: Renesmee Cullen has been struggling with her identity for a while now, and everyone knows it; besides Jacob. When Jacob finally grows tired of being "the best friend" and confronts Nessie about her lack of commitment; how will he react to the news of who his imprint really is?
1. Same Love

This is a new story I've been working on for a few days or so.

In my other story, Home, Nessie cheats on Jake- causing a huge road bump in their relationship.

In my other story, In the Present, there's fighting and gradual drifting apart that end their relationship.

In this story, I wanted to test the boundaries of Jake's imprint when the variable was out of their control entirely.

I wanted to see how they would react when the secret was out, and how their lives would unfold.

I really like this first chapter,

As a girl who's struggled with my orientation for years, it's kind of hard for me to write.

However, I love a good challenge. c:

Disclaimer: I don't own the Twilight series, I don't own the lyrics I use for chapter titles, or the lyrics I use in the chapters themselves.

(Extremely cliché song lyrics ahead)...

* * *

_And I can't change  
Even if I tried,  
Even if I wanted to,  
And I can't change,  
Even if I tried  
Even if I wanted to,  
-Same Love, by Macklemore and Ryan Lewis_

When Jake told me about the imprint, I told him I wasn't ready for commitment and that I could only love him as a friend. We both cried for separate reasons. For him: he had just been rejected by his one and only love. For me, it was much more complicated than that. My family all knew, and my dad insisted on hinting to Jake that he should continue his search for love elsewhere. Jake took it as fatherly love for his daughter and her heart.

We were laying on La Push beach, staring up at the stars. It was a beautiful night: laying under the stars; listening to the gentle waves on the beach.

"Nessie?" Jake rolled over and looked at me, his brow was furrowed.

"Yeah?" I asked as I rolled onto my back to look up at the stars.

He swallowed, "What's wrong with me?"

I looked over at him, "I don't- Are you sick?" I pressed my hand to his forehead.

He took my hand in his, "What's wrong with me?" He whispered again.

I sat up, "Jake, what is wrong with you? Besides the fact that you're acting like a looney."

"What's so wrong with me- that you can't love me?" He sat up, "What is it, Ness?" He looked so pained, "I mean… I told you about the imprint and you said you could only love me as a friend. So there must be something about me that's so unlovable." He kissed my hand, "I don't know what you want me to… Just tell me what to do Ness. I'll do anything."

I shook my head, "It's not that easy." I tried to pull my hand away but he held on tight. "Jake."

"Please Ness. I think it's fair for me to say that you owe me this. One explanation, that's it." His eyes were red. "Just one, just tell me what's wrong with me."

"I can't." I whispered.

"Damn it Ness." He dropped my hand and stood up; pacing. "I can't even think of what it would be… Is- Is it the fact that I'm a wolf? Does that scare you Ness? Because you know I would never hurt you. I- Does it freak you out? If that's the case then please, tell me now." He stopped pacing and looked at me.

I shook my head.

He growled and began pacing again, "Is it my heritage or something? I- God, Ness. I mean, can you not see yourself with me because of the color of my skin? Is it some sort of white person thing? Is- Is it that you think I can't provide for you?" He flushed, "Because I can Ness. I can't buy you everything the Cullen's can but-" He choked, "I'd die trying to make you happy."

"Jacob. Stop it." I was crying now, how could he think I was so shallow.

"Well, Nessie. I don't have any idea. I don't. We're…. We're so compatible." He stood there, running a hand through his hair; and then he dropped to his knees in front of me. "Is it because of the imprint? Is it because you thought of me as a brother for so long? Does that freak you out Ness?" He was crying now, "Because it was in my best intentions. I did that for you, not to make you uncomfortable in the long run, Darling."

"Stop! Stop!" I shouted. "How could you think I'm that shallow, Jacob Black? I don't care about the color of your skin. I don't care about… about material possessions. Do you really think so lowly of me?" I whispered.

"Ness, darling, no. You're just not giving me any information. There must be some reason why you're like this. Why you won't hold my hand, why you won't kiss me. You won't let me introduce you as my girlfriend. You won't do anything that couples do." He frowned, "Baby, I'm out of ideas."

"That's because we're not a couple, Jacob." I told him.

"But you're my imprint; what else are we Nessie?" He stroked my hair until I pushed him away. "Are you afraid of me?" He whispered, "Are you afraid I'll hurt you, or make you do something you don't want?" He stared at me, "I would never do that Ness. I would never intentionally hurt you, or pressure you into anything."

"Jake. Stop, please, for your own good." I stood up, "I want to go home now."

He shook his head, "Not until I get some kind of answer out of you." He sat firmly in place.

I stared at him for a while and then sat next to him. I breathed deeply, shaking until I found my words. "Jake, I'm gay." I shook my head, "Maybe that came out wrong. I'm having trouble figuring out what I am, to be completely honest…" I wiped my eyes. "I like women. No, I love women. Just, not exclusively…. Right now, I can't see myself with anyone." I looked up at him.

He was staring at me, "You're gay?" He whispered.

"Yes… NO. Maybe. I don't know Jake. I was going to tell you when I figured it out. It's hard for me to explain it, Jake."

"So, where do I fit into all of this?"

I shook my head, "I don't know." I looked down at my lap, "I'm sorry."

He sighed and put his arm around me, "No matter what, I'll always love you." He whispered in my ear and held me to him. I felt his wet face press into my neck, felt his chest moving with each sob.

I pulled him into my arms and vowed I would never see him cry like this again. When Billy died, I promised him I would make sure his son was happy; I would make sure he was surrounded by my love. I felt like this was a violation to his memory. I would do anything for my Jake. I loved him so much, I would just need to make sure it was enough. For him, I would figure out my feelings. For him, I would sacrifice my own happiness for his.

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Can I get a fangirl scream for Macklemore?

Ooooh, that man. c;

Haha. I hope you liked this.

If you did, you should review;

If you didn't you should still review.

If you felt relatively neutral about the entire thing, you should still review.

I really love reviews.

Love, Joplin.


	2. Arkansas

Hey there. c:

Sorry I haven't updated in a bit. My wifi was being kind of wacky,

but it's fixed now.

I really hope you guys don't think this chapter is too weird. D:

Please tell me if you do.

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_I don't recall the last time we spoke  
You said it's my fault, I still don't believe you, Oh Arkansas  
Tell me you mean it when you tell me you love me  
I wanna believe you, I wanna believe you, Oh Arkansas  
Fade out  
This is where the credits roll our name  
-Arkansas by Damien Jurado_

"So what does this mean for us?" Jake had been awkward on the car ride home; the only real movement besides driving that he made was turning on the radio. He glanced over at me from time to time, but he hadn't said anything- until now.

I played with a loose string on my sweater- Jake's sweater. I felt fidgety. I felt the need to run. To run until I was breathless. I turned to look at him- at my Jake. He had always been my very best friend- and I never wanted to hurt him. "I don't know Jake. I wish I did, honestly. I wish I could say… I wish I could say whatever you want me to." I reached for the handle to the door as we reached my house.

He parked the car and sat very still in his seat. It wasn't until I went to leave that he grabbed my hand in his. "I want you to say that you're happy." He whispered. He squeezed my hand, "Whatever it is that you do. Whomever you... Whomever it is that you love." He swallowed, "I just want you to tell me that you're happy." He looked out the window, "Your happiness is the only important thing to me anymore."

"Don't talk that way Jake." I got out of the car and walked to his side, opening the door for him. I stood with my arms wide open for him. He got out of the car and wrapped his arms around me; tightly, as if he never wanted to let go. He held onto me for what seemed like forever; except it was a wonderful forever- being in his arms. "Your happiness means everything to me, don't you doubt that for a second Renesmee." He pressed his lips to my hair. "My only purpose is to make sure you're happy."

Then he let me go. He stared at me for a while, his head turned slightly; like he was trying to see through me. He kissed my cheek and whispered "I love you" in my ear and then got in his car. I watched him drive away, fighting my own battle about walking inside or running after him.

Jake's POV

I had always hated cemeteries. Death had always been a terrifying idea to me. Like a ghost hovering in over my bed at night; it was always present. After my mom died I hated making visits to the cemetery. I went there with my dad, once a year; although he went far more often than that. However, my dad wasn't here to make those trips with me. I was alone, visiting my parents in their graves- side by side.

I stood in front of their joint headstone for a few minutes before awkwardly sitting down in between the two plots. It was close to sunset and I was suddenly a little freaked out about being here after dark.

"I'm- I'm sorry I didn't bring you any flowers this time, Ma." I patted her plot gently. "I wasn't really planning on visiting until I got here, actually. But, next time. I'll bring flowers." I looked around, making sure no one was here to overhear my conversations.

"I guess right now I just wish I could have your advice. The both of you." I sighed and wiped my eyes; wishing for nothing more than to be talking to them in person. I know my mom would hug me and kiss me in that motherly affectionate way she had. I know my dad would say he doesn't understand emotions; but he would move just to the other room so he could still here. After wards he would pat me on the shoulder and walk away, and I knew he understood.

"It's Nessie. She…" I didn't even know how to say it, "She's gay… I guess. If she only knew how much I loved her. God, I would do anything for her. I- I know that won't change her. I just want her to be happy." I could feel a tear against my cheek. "If that means, going to some weird parade with her. Being her best… man? I don't know. If it means watching her get married to some woman and raising a family with her…" I sniffled, "Then damn it. I'd do it."

I looked at my dad's half of the headstone. "Is that how you felt about Ma? That you would do anything? Anything at all to ensure her happiness and safety?" I shook my head, "This is so stupid. You two can't hear me. I mean, even if you could, you can't answer me back." I pulled my knees up to my chest and stared at the marble grave markers.

"Oh Jake." Nessie sat down on the ground that wasn't covering my parent's graves.

I almost jumped out of my skin. "Shit, Ness." I hid my face in my hands. How long had she been there? How did she even get here? I glanced over at her. "You scared the shit out of me. How long had you been standing there? How- Did you run here? God, Ness. You could have been taken. Or killed." I pulled her over to me and held her in my arms.

"I followed you here." She curled up in my arms, "I just wanted to make sure that you were okay. It's only a few minutes run from my house to yours. But you didn't go to your house, and I followed you here." She looked up at me. "I didn't want you to be alone. And… And I didn't mean to spy on you." She looked down at her lap, "I'm sorry."

I kissed the top of her head, "How much did you hear?" I whispered.

"All of it; I heard all of it." She looked up at me with a pained look on her face, "I love you Jake. Just know that, okay? I won't make you go to some weird parade. I won't make you watch me get married unless you're the one that I'm watching. Do you understand?" She rested her head against my chest. "Maybe next time you can invite me?" She whispered.

"Invite you where, darling?"

"Here." She wrapped her arms around me, "Invite me here to visit your parents. We can bring your mom those flowers. And- And I don't know what to bring for Billy." She confessed, and then pulled away quickly, "Is that rude of me to ask? To invite myself to come here?"

I laughed. After everything that had happened today, she still wanted to be here- with me? "I would be honored if you joined me. And I know my mom would love those flowers. And Billy would just- Billy would just love for you to be here."

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I really hope you liked this chapter.  
Please review and tell me what you think.

Love, Joplin.


	3. It's Okay

I haven't updated in so long.

My sincerest apologies.

I hope you like this chapter,

It's rather long.

Flashbacks are in italics.

(Sans lyrics, of course).

Thanks. c:

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_It's okay,_  
_I don't even cry_  
_all I think about is a memory _  
_and the dream when you kissed my arm_  
_as I look away, don't hear what I say_

_-It's okay, by Land of Talk_

_(Renesmee)_

_ "Why don't you ever go on any dates?" Jake looked over at me, curled up on the giant arm chair. Normally he would sit here when we were watching the news in the evening. However, I got here first and made a nest for myself out of pillows and blankets. We were in the living room of his house; I spent the night there on the weekends and watching the evening news had become some sort of a routine._

_ "What are you talking about? You and I just went to the movies yesterday." I sat up and looked at him._

_ He shook his head, "That's not what I meant." He muted the TV. He never mutes the TV. "You never go on dates with… people you find… Erh. Interesting?" He turned red, "I don't know what you would call them…"_

_ I furrowed my brow, "I find you to be interesting." I smiled at him. I really didn't want to have this conversation with him right now. _

_ He sighed and moved to sit on the ottoman at my feet. "Lesbians. You never go on dates with girls who… like girls. You know?"_

_ I laughed, Jake tried his hardest to be polite about my orientation. It was awkward, but I gave him credit for trying._

_ "Don't you have those at University?"_

_ I laughed harder, "Oh Jake. You're so naïve about all of this. There are a lot at University, trust me." _

_ "What's that supposed to mean?" He tilted his head to the side like a bird, "Do they hit on you? Or… I…. I'm lost Ness." He shook his head, as if he attempted to clear it by the physical motion. _

_ "I mean… Some of them ask me out. But some of them don't you know? I mean, I tell them no, of course." I held his hands in mine and smiled._

_ "Why would you tell them no?" He whispered. _

_ I was slightly taken aback. Did he want me to go on dates? To leave him here to wallow in his own misery? "Why wouldn't I?"_

_ "Aren't you interested? I mean, why would you say no?"_

_ I dropped his hands, "Because I have you Jake. I don't need to date anyone." I frowned, why wasn't he happy that I declined?_

_ He threw his hands up, "Why? Ness, you need to meet new people. I'll be fine." _

_ I didn't understand this man. He imprinted on me, yet wanted me to see other women? "So you'd be okay if I went out with someone other than you?"_

_ "Yes. Ness, that's what I want. I want you to be happy." He pulled me into his arms. "I know that I can't give you what you want. So I want you to go for what it is- whatever it is that you want."_

(Jacob)

Ness was sitting by the window, waiting for her date- Chris- to pick her up. To be completely honest, the name kind of fucked with my head. Was Chris a boy? Why parents call their daughter Chris? "So where is this… Chris? Does…. It… know…. They're late?"

Ness whipped around. "She. She. Her name is Christina. She calls herself Chris because it's more androgynous. Like a nickname, almost." She sighed, "Please don't refer to her as an object. Last I checked she was human." She turned back to the window.

"I'm sorry. Ness, I didn't mean it like that…"

She shook her head, "It's fine." She mumbled.

I waited with her until a pickup truck rolled into the driveway. Someone got out and walked up to the door. I could have sworn it was a guy- but I wouldn't confess that to Ness; who was standing at the doorway.

"Do I look okay?" She checked her hair in the mirror in the hallway. "I've never been onanactuallydatebeforeandwhatifsomethinggoeswrong… " She was panicky.

I laughed, despite my heartache, "You'll be fine." The doorbell rang and I gave Ness a quick kiss on the top of her head, retreating to the living room.

The door opened, and Nessie squealed a 'hello'. I wondered if she ever got this excited when I showed up at her doorway.

"Hey. I want you to meet someone, Jake- my best friend."

I grimaced, I really did not want to meet the girl who my Ness would be spending her first actual date with. Of course, I needed to make sure she was trustworthy. Safe.

My Nessie came into the living room, leading Chris, who was holding a bouquet of flowers. She was… masculine.

Chris nodded, "It's nice to meet you. I've heard a million things about you." She smiled. It was so genuine, like she was honestly enjoying meeting me. "I hope you don't mind me stealing her away from you for a few hours. But, I'll bring her back before eleven. Scout's honor."

Nessie was like a ball of energy, jumping up and down and running to give me a hug. "Don't miss me too much." She whispered in my ear before joining Chris; this hands entwined.

I smiled and nodded, "Keep her safe." It seemed like something a best friend would say. I wasn't sure how to react in this situation. None of my pack brothers had ever gone through anything remotely close to this with their imprints. Why was I the odd man out?

"Well, we should get going. We have reservations for five, and the movie is at seven." Chris said.

"Bye Jake!" Nessie waved furiously as she left the house with her gal pal. Just as the truck pulled out of the driveway, Quil and Embry showed up. Embry was first to walk in, Quil following him with a case of beer.

"Dude, you're not gonna believe it. Ness was just leaving with some dude. I mean, you saw that right?"

I shook my head, "I don't wanna talk about it. Let's just watch the game." I turned on the TV to the football game and sat down on the couch. Seth and Sam showed up late, but it was nice to not have to explain my imprint's date. That is, until they came home.

Like Chris had promised, she brought my Nessie home before eleven. She walked her to the door like a perfect… gentlewoman. And then she kissed her. Embry, Quil, and Seth were standing at the window.

"Are you sure that's a chick?"

"Naaaaah. Jake, that's a dude."

"It's scrawny either way. You could take him Jake."

"What if it isn't though? I mean, does it know it's a chick?"

I rolled my eyes and watched them from the couch, until I saw them kiss. My blood was boiling. I knew, obviously that they weren't just friends. That at some point this was to be expected. I just didn't expect it to be now. Hell, that was Ness's first kiss. That was supposed to be me. I turned back to the TV and tried to get the mental image out of my head. It was either that or I would go out there and kill the girl who thought it was okay to kiss my Ness.

She walked inside, her cheeks flushed as she saw Embry, Quil and Seth standing at the window.

"Were you three spying on me?" She arched an eyebrow; looking from them to Sam and I sitting on the couch.

"Well… We…" Seth tried explaining.

"Are you sure that's a chick? I mean, really sure?" Embry asked.

Nessie turned a shade of bright red. She looked at them like they had suddenly fused together into one giant monster. Then she ran past them to her room, sniffling.

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Please review. c:

Thank you.

Love, Joplin.


	4. Any ideas?

To my lovely and wonderful readers, followers, favorite(ers):

I have a confession to make, I haven't updated in quite a long, long time,

But you already knew that.

Well, there is a reason behind that, and here it is:

Quite frankly, I'm all out of ideas.

Completely out of ideas,

So out of ideas that I dreaded even logging in to this website.

I'm sorry, so, if any of you are so emotionally attached to this story that you'll sob buckets upon reading this

(Which I strongly doubt...)

I am open to any suggestions on how this story will go.

I had ideas when I started, and still have them, however:

It's very difficult trying to get from point A to point B.

So, any suggestions, motivation, words of encouragement, compliments, complaints, or ANYTHING

Is very very welcomed.

Thank you very much,

Yours truly,

JoplinHadleigh.


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